Have you ever asked yourself, what's the purpose of dating? Why you're constantly giving your time and energy to someone?
I believe that everyone should date around before they settle down in a relationship. Some firm believers are of the opinion that you should patiently wait until God sends your soulmate and that's perfectly fine but dating allows you to know who you are, what you like, what you dislike, what gives you butterflies and so much more.
I'm a 90's baby so I know in our generation, it seems as if dating is "extinct". People are wilding and "dating" for the fun of it with no sense of purpose. I'll keep it real with you, I was one of those people. Based on my perception of dating now, I should have never entertained certain guys. You live and you learn.
As women, we need to remember that we have the power and set the tone for how men will treat us. Dating only becomes extinct if we allow it to, don't be settling for "Netflix and chill" all the time. If the person cares, they will get creative and change things up every now and then. However, the venue is not the most important factor. The connection, chemistry and what you learn about the person are important factors when dating.
Dating is an intentional process where you determine whether you can have a future with this person. It is an opportunity to build a foundation before you decide to commit. When dating, it is important to ensure that you are both on the same page. If you're just having fun and passing time, the other party should know and understand this. If you're not serious, there should be no "I miss you", seeing each other often, deep conversations, talking everyday and so on. This is how people catch feelings, let it be what it is and that's "fun". If they say they're not ready for a relationship, listen to them and don't date thinking you can change their mind. Dating is for those who desire to be in a committed relationship at some point.
Be very specific about what you want and what you're not willing to compromise on in a relationship. When determining the qualities you want/ need in a partner, ensure that you bring just as much to the table. Also, strive to be open minded, it is rare to find someone who meets all of the requirements on your "list".
"Attract what you want by being what you want."
During the dating process, their hobbies and favorite color are not important questions. Find out about their beliefs and morals, their goals, their passion, whether they want/have children and how they want to raise them etc.
For me personally, I ask myself these questions:
- Does he believe in God?
- Do I admire who he is as a person?
- Do his actions show that he appreciates me?
- How does he make me feel?
- Is he ambitious, goal oriented and purpose driven?
- Can he add value to my life?
- Is he constantly working towards a better him and life?
- Does he support my dreams and aspirations?
If the answer to those questions are negative, there is no point for us to continue dating. I'm dating in hope to meet my husband, I don't have time to waste! I want that 20 year, 30 year, til death do us part kinda love.
I hear people saying all the time, "they got potential so I'll just stick it out". What does that mean??
We all have potential but there are few who will do something with that potential. I entertained a guy who had "potential". He had the world of ambition and dreams but was he doing anything to fulfil them? Nope! You can't build a future with potential, potential is not progress. Potential is "maybe one day", you have to be savage when dating and know the difference between who is worth "waiting" for and who you need to say goodbye to.
I recommend dating without any sexual activity as sex can cloud your judgement. To my ladies, stop giving benefits to these men who aren't your husband or boyfriend. I know it's hard, you will have your urges but it is best to take time and get to know someone spiritually, emotionally and mentally before you know them physically. However, do what's best for you, whether you give it up on day 4 or day 150, if that's all he ever wanted, that is all it will be.
On that note, be patient, dating is a process. You may meet many frogs before you encounter your prince. It is important to stay true to who you are and what you want, it's better to be single than to settle and be unhappy in a relationship. Most importantly, pray to God about the person because He surely has a way of revealing things that we may miss.
I will leave you with this golden advice, don't date until you're comfortable being with yourself because if you're not, you will surely settle for anyone when dating. Be intentional, know your worth and listen carefully to the intentions a person has with you.